Late Night Conversations
by longstoryshort
Summary: Everyone needs someone to talk to. The choices are limited when your work is so secret. My take on how Sam and Jack coped over the years.
1. First Time

**Apparently** they only belong to me in my head. Otherwise they belong to Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Productions. I do this for fun but what fun it is!

This came about because in Lost City 1 when Carter turns up at O'Neill's house saying she couldn't sleep, he said "you should have called". And that got me thinking. Is that what usually happened?

Chapter 1 – First time

It was 0115 and O'Neill wandered aimlessly through the corridors of the SGC. SG-9 were now 26 hours overdue and the niggling seeds of doubt that had been lying dormant since they had completed their last mission were now in full flower. It was always tough bringing a new team together, especially given the circumstances that meant a new SG-9 needed to be formed. The only surviving team member, Connor was now working with SG-6 – the new SG-9 members were awkward around him. Desperately wanting to be proud of their team, they were only too aware of the failure of the former team and it's insane commander.

O'Neill had trained the new team, hand picking the members and did his best to weld them into a fighting unit. He had believed that the completion of the last two highly successful missions had erased any doubts he may have had about their effectiveness as a unit. The moment that the team was reported overdue, all the ugly scenarios he had imagined sprang to mind again. He was worried, and there was no way he would be able to get the sleep his body craved. And so he walked the halls of the SGC, looking for distraction.

He thought he was headed for the commissary, but found his feet had brought him to Carters lab instead. As he rounded the last corner he was surprised to see a light shining through the open door. He stood and watched silently for a few minutes. He was always amazed that she could lose herself so completely in her work while on base. When in the field he could never have made it any where near this close with out her noticing. There her senses were as finely tuned, as any good recon soldier's should be. Here she was the ultimate science nerd.

O'Neill moved into the room until he was only a couple of feet behind her.

"Whatchadoin'?"

The slight jump was the only sign she gave that he'd surprised her. The self-satisfied smirk was quickly wiped from his face as she turned to face him.

"I'm studying the artifact that SG-5 brought back from P7X-237 last week – I think it may be some kind of power source, but I can't work out what for. You see sir, the composition of the energy crystals is…."

"Arrhh! I meant, Captain, it's the middle of the night – who works at this time when they don't have to?"

Her head dipped, and a self-deprecating grin flitted across her face.

"Me, sir. I couldn't sleep – kept thinking about SG-9. I thought this was a good way to stop going over and over all the things that could have gone wrong with the mission. It usually works for me, but I'm having trouble focusing tonight."

O'Neill looked at her – it had not occurred to him that Carter would be worried enough about the other SG teams that she would need to work to distract herself. He always assumed that her work distracted her so much that she did not notice when these crises happened. They'd been working together for six months now, and everyday there was something new.

He realised that she had spoken.

"Huh?"

"What about you sir? Why are you prowling the halls at this time?"

"Same reason. Planning a rescue mission while trying to convince myself that they've been trapped by a freak snow storm that will clear in a couple of hours and be followed by a clear spell that will last long enough for them to get back to the gate."

"Sir, the gate at P3X 897 is located in a tropical zone"

"Glass half empty there Captain…I did mention 'freak' snowstorm, didn't I?"

He was rewarded with a grin. O'Neill couldn't remember when it happened that he had made it his life's work to make that grin appear. He bounced on his heels a little.

"So, wanna help me plan this not necessary rescue mission, or run through all the cataclysmic scenario's that SG-9 may have encountered - we could go and eat cake while we do so?"

"Sure, why not". Carter gave an exasperated glance at the crystal array before her. "I'm not going to be figuring this thing out in a hurry anyhow." She pushed back her chair and O'Neill could sense her focus shift to the new problem – knowing that her mind had not entirely left the crystals – just moved that problem to another corner where her brain could continue to work interrupted while they discussed the different situations that SG-9 may have got themselves into.

By the time they reached the commissary they had already theorised on a number of different scenarios. Sitting down at a free table, the cake was forgotten as O'Neill reached for a napkin and started to sketch out a rough map of the area around the gate that SG-9 had travelled to. Other people moved in and out of the commissary during the night – janitors, late shift personnel looking for snacks, the waiting infirmary staff taking short breaks. There was a palpable tension in the air but the two officers at the table seemed unaware as they lost themselves in a session of "what if's" and "why don't we's".

Finally the sound they had been unconsciously listening for – the harsh klaxon and tannoy announcement of an unauthorised offworld activation. They reached the gate room in time to see all four members of SG-9 make their brief report to General Hammond – the monsoon season had hit P3X 897 and flooding had cut them off, resulting in a long and circuitous route back to the gate. No Goa'uld raid, alien infections or hostile indigenous life – no need for a rescue mission and no cause for concern. O'Neill realised his earlier doubts were long gone. Sometime in the hours he and Carter had spent discussing all the possibilities for disaster he had convinced himself that what ever had happened to delay the team that it would not have been a result of any lack of cohesion within the group.

He looked speculatively at her as they moved out of the gateroom. She was starting to look sleepy and he realised that like him, she was losing the nervous energy that had kept them awake during their vigil. They were due to leave on a mission late that afternoon and he needed her rested.

"Carter!" She swung back towards him. "Get some rest – do not go back to your lab, the energy source can wait till we get back, that's an order" She dipped her head in acknowledgement after a startled look at her watch. "And, thanks, for helping out, you know, with planning that stuff.. I know we didn't need it in the end, but it helped."

"Sure sir, any time – it helped me too. I think I may have come up with the solution to the crystal array while we talked. I'll see you in the ready room at 1600."

It was a different grin that came with that – the one he called the "wow" grin, the one that happened when some one praised or thanked her. He liked to think it was a little bit different when it was directed at him. He called a cheery 'Catchyalater" over his shoulder as he sauntered off and contemplated the various ways to interpret "any time".

_But wait, there's more.._


	2. At the bottom of a hole

Chapter 2 – At the bottom of a hole 

P7X 285 was a bastard of a place. Not only was it full of trees and rain, it was also riddled with abandoned naquadah mines with shafts reaching to the surface just like the one O'Neill had fallen down earlier in the day. It had taken hours for the other three members of SG-1 to reach him safely and administer first aid. Although the only obvious injury was a broken collarbone and shock both Carter and Daniel were worried about possible spinal damage. O'Neill grudgingly reported numbness and tingling in his legs and arms and neck pain and even he could see the sense in Daniel and Teal'c going back for a proper medical team and equipment to extract him safely.

The Jaffa and the archaeologist left before dark and Carter and O'Neill did not expect them back before morning. Carter moved around quietly and efficiently making camp for the night. Every so often she would glance over at the prone form of her CO and do a surreptitious visual check of his condition. After a long negotiation they had agreed between them on hourly obs. Carter was too concerned to leave it to an hourly interval but not willing to piss him off any more than he already was with hovering over him like a mother hen. She grinned to herself as the mental image flashed through her mind of the chaos that would ensue if she fussed over her cranky boss.

"What are you grinning at Carter?" the growl was quiet but lucid. She wasn't sure but she thought that she heard him mutter, "I don't know that one.." She added it to the long list of things she chose to ignore.

"I was just thinking that it's going to be a very long night sir." She heard him grunt in agreement. It wasn't like him to be so quiet and she felt a squirm of fear that his injury may be more severe than he was letting on. She tried to tell herself that it was his self-preservation instinct kicking in – O'Neill was doing what was needed to survive and allowing her to establish a safe camp for them without interruption. As she set the perimeter alarms she felt his steady gaze on her back and the squirm started to grow into a mass of writhing worms in her gut. She needed to stop the fear from growing so that she could remain in control. The fact that the fear was so great because she couldn't face the thought of this particular man with a crippling spinal injury was yet another thing she chose to ignore.

Carter only knew of three ways to stomp on the fear. There was no prospect of imminent action that would sweep away the fear with a rush of adrenaline so she would have to try the second way instead. She started to mentally review her plans for a naquadah generator. The first prototype was almost finished and there were still some major bugs that needed to be ironed out. Her movements around the campsite were automatic as she worked on the scientific problem in her mind.

O'Neill could see when she started to think science. He didn't think anyone else could have told the difference, not even Daniel or Teal'c but then, no one else watched her as closely as he did. He knew why she did it; same reason he would replay Simpson's episodes or listen to his favourite operas in his head. It stopped all the other scary thoughts and allowed him to get through the long sleepless nights. And when that didn't work, he would go find Carter and they'd talk while he added to his grin catalogue.

He knew when her concentration faltered by the almost imperceptible shake of her head and the sneaky glances she threw his way. When it was time for her to take her medical obs he lay patiently while she checked his pulse, blood pressure and reflexes. Carter finished her task and paused for a moment to look at him. She sighed, and knew that tonight, despite the fact that they both needed to rest, it was going to have to be the third way.

"So, sir, I've been running through in my head some of the problems we've been having with the prototype of the naquadah generator. I need to work out where I'm going wrong."

Damn. He found it so much easier when she wanted to talk military tactics or history.

"Break it down into tiny little chunks for me Carter. Bring it back to basics and analyse every little bit and we'll see if we can get it worked out by morning."

She gave him a tight smile of thanks (the "Good, you're thinking what I'm thinking" smile was what he privately called it) and they settled down into an approximation of their offworld routine. Normally he wouldn't be lying flat on his back with a gerryrigged cervical collar. Usually he'd put them on back-to-back watches and the two of them would stay up for both watches and talk quietly until it was time for Daniel or Teal'c to take over. If that wasn't enough they'd continue after they crawled into their bedrolls and try and get the bewildered watch keeper up to speed on what ever the conversation was about. Teal'c generally did not have much to add beyond the odd profound statement but Daniel would enthusiastically join in. At least he did until the time on P5C 988 when SG-3 managed to "ambush" them on Daniels watch. After that he kept at least one eye on what was happening outside the camp perimeter.

When they were on base they would meet in the commissary or he would find himself in her lab and settle in with a casual "whatchyadoing?". There was the occasional night spent in the control room, waiting for the wormhole to connect and a team to return. There was the not so occasional nights spent in the infirmary, curtains pulled back so that they could see each other, voices quiet so they wouldn't draw any attention. There were the worst nights when one would be waiting hours for the other to come to consciousness and they would have to resort to thinking to keep the fear at bay. On those nights it was never the Simpsons, but Madame Butterfly that ran through O'Neill's mind.

Daniel and Teal'c arrived at sunrise with a medical team headed by Doctor Frasier. When they arrived they found O'Neill sleeping peacefully and Carter sketching out a solution to the worst of the problems she had encountered with the generator. About an hour before, the numbness and tingling had all but disappeared from O'Neill's legs and they had both stopped worrying about his condition. As she heard them approach she gently woke the sleeping Colonel.

"Time to go home sir."

_But wait there's more.._


	3. Therapy

Chapter 3 - Therapy 

Not for the first time, O'Neill gave thanks to who ever thought of the concept of a 24-hour sports channel. The mere fact that at 3am on a Wednesday he could watch a hockey game made him sure that he was fighting on the side of the righteous. He wasn't so sure he'd be able to convince Daniel of the logic behind that one but he knew Carter would understand.

Carter. Not for the first time that long night he glanced at the phone and thought about calling. He knew she was at home and he was damn sure she wasn't asleep. Late night conversations at the SGC or in camp off world were one thing, but he hadn't quite worked out what it meant if they started phoning one another at home in the middle of the night. What if he phoned and she wasn't alone? Just the thought made him stick his fingers in his ears and start lalalalalaling. So loudly he almost didn't hear the phone ring.

"O'Neill"

"Sir. I didn't wake you" It was a statement not a question. Carter had been staring at her fireplace for so long she thought the spots would never clear from her vision. It was a huge thing to phone her CO at 3am when they were both on down time. She knew he'd be awake and she was pretty sure he was trying to work out whether he could phone her.

"You should be sleeping. Didn't Frasier give you some pills?" He couldn't keep the concern out of his voice. She'd been in the infirmary for a week after Jolinar's death and Janet had even been talking at one stage about clinical depression. She'd only let Carter out on the condition that an appointment be made with Dr McKenzie. O'Neill had desperately wanted to talk to Sam (Carter! Must call her Carter!) but the Doctor had been over protective, shooing everyone away at night so that her patient could sleep. He'd tried to explain about their routine but had made a mess of it.

"She gave me a whole swag of stuff. I don't want to take any of it – I just need to talk and not to McKenzie, he has no idea of what I'm talking about half the time"

"And you think I do?" He heard the chuckle and mentally pictured the grin, catalogue name "I can't believe I'm laughing when I feel like this". He reached for the remote and turned the sound down on the hockey.

"What are you watching?"

"Hockey – turn it on, and I'll explain what's happening, if you can understand wormhole physics, you may be able to follow a hockey game" She moved over to her couch, wrapped herself in a blanket and turned the television onto the sports channel. Just in time to see the ice turn red as an all in brawl erupted.

"Nice, I can see why you like this so much." It was her turn to be rewarded with a chuckle and she settled deeper into the couch. After a few minutes of idle banter about the IQ's of hockey players and fans she realised that the tone of their conversation was even more relaxed than usual. She hadn't called him sir since he first picked up the phone for a start.

By the time the stars started to fade in the greying sky they were both yawning more than talking. He told her to hang up and go to sleep. He told her he'd be going up to Minnesota to his cabin for the rest of the week and that his cell phone would work up there. He told her that she was going to be all right and that by the time she talked to him that night he wanted to hear from her all the ways she'd be using her experience with Jolinar to help their cause.

He loved the way she accepted without question that he'd talk to her that night.

_But wait there's more.._


	4. Alone

Chapter 4 - Alone 

He lay on his pallet on the hard floor of the hut. He hated the days like today when the rain had been too heavy to allow them to do any outdoor work. Everyday he would throw himself into the heavy physical work of the farming community and in the evening would dig a little more in the area where the stargate was buried. Laira and the others believed he did so to help them but it was all about sleep. If he was exhausted he could sleep. On a day like today where all he had been able to do was sit inside and repair harnesses he was just not tired enough to sleep.

He ran through the catalogue of grins in his mind, picked out his favourite and pictured her sitting cross-legged opposite him wearing the "I can't believe you just said that to a Goa'uld" grin. He talked her through the plot of Turandot for the umpteenth time. After a while he let himself imagine her explain what they were doing to get to him, and even if she would never have recognised any of the scientific terms he made up for her to use, the Carter in his head just said it all with a sad smile.

_But wait, there's more.._


	5. He Asks

Chapter 5 – He asks 

P3X 234 was a very hot, very primordial planet. They had found some caves near the stargate that offered some protection from the elements and there was an over abundance of fruit to supplement the MRE's they had with them. Which was as well, because as the days stretched on they began to wonder how long they were going to be stuck there waiting for the gate to finally connect to Earth.

The three of them had arrived on the planet exhausted, totally drained from their experience on Thor's ship. It was something of a shock to find Thor's stasis pod already gone when they arrived and a holographic message from the Asgard letting them know he was safe but not offering a lift home. O'Neill spent the first two days commenting on that until Teal'c asked with uncharacteristic irritation to stop. He would have been upset except that T's comment and his reaction produced a whole new grin from Carter – which he promptly named the "Teal'c - I can't believe you said that!"

They settled into a routine pretty quickly. Mornings were spent foraging for fruit and fishing. Needless to say, no fish ever supplemented the MRE's and fruit. They dozed through the middle of the day and in the evenings they collected firewood and continued with the chores of keeping the camp in order. Three times a day they would try dialling home. The wormhole would not connect and Carter started to worry about all the things that could have gone wrong with their plan. Not the least of which was that the Asgard ship had not been destroyed and that the replicators were already taking over Earth.

They would talk over the possibilities each night after Teal'c would start to Kel No Reem. On the third night, O'Neill could sense that she was starting to believe her worst fears so he began to make up outlandish scenarios just to make her laugh.

"You know, they're just giving themselves time to get everything ready … Tickertape parades in all the worlds major cities don't organise themselves. The President and the Queen of England and Presidents of Russia, China and France all have busy schedules. It's going to be hard getting them together for afternoon tea. I hear that the Queen has been bugging my Mom for the recipe of my favourite cake. She'll need some practice to get it right. Apparently, Canada is debating whether to give me Lake Winnepeg or Lake Manitoba. I'm sure Hammond is getting slowed down by Daniel constantly whining that he should be allowed to be in the parade too, even though he wasn't actually on the mission with us…."

He kept on and on about the worldwide celebrations that were being planned to commemorate the destruction of the replicator riddled Asgard ship. She joined in after a while and added a few absurdities of her own. They eventually ran out of steam and lay on their bedrolls chuckling softly. A comfortable silence grew between them.

O'Neill propped his chin on his hands and directed his gaze toward her. It was the softly intense gaze she had come to love and dread, the one that made her shiver and melt at the same time.

"I was wondering…. you were almost going to say yes, and then you changed your mind. Why?"

A direct question. Not one to ignore. Not one that would go away, not with him lying over there with all the time in the world. One for which she owed him a truthful answer.

He waited patiently while she gathered her thoughts. He knew her, knew that the answer she gave him would be the truth, even if it was a truth that neither of them would be comfortable with.

After a few minutes she shifted around so that she could look him in the eye.

"I was going to say yes. Then Major Wood came into the hallway and he'd have heard anything that we said. No one would think twice if you took Daniel or Teal'c to Minnesota. But me? Understand this - I would love to go fishing with you. I would even consider leaving my laptop at home. But no one would ever believe we could be just fishing. There are so few women in my position and everything we say and do goes under the microscope. The fraternization rules… I wouldn't…. but there'd be no innocent until proven guilty for us."

She looked at him miserably. She thought she saw his lips soundlessly mouthing "us". She took a deep breath. This was where it got tricky. "If things were different….. If those rules weren't an issue, then I would accept with no hesitation" He lifted his head and his gaze became even more intense.

"But…"

He sighed and dropped his chin back into his hands.

"What we do is important, I don't have to tell you how much. Right now we fight the fight, side by side, together. I watch your back, you watch mine. Not just you and me, but the four of us, we make a difference. I'm not ready to change that, to give that up. I don't think you are either."

She waited. Eventually he said softly, sadly, "No"

She smiled. "I want you to keep asking though. I need to keep telling you no, but I'd like to hope that one day, I'll be able to say yes."

_But wait, there's more.._


	6. Looking out for your friends

_Thanks for the reviews, they are very encouraging and very much appreciated._

Chapter 6 – Looking out for your friends

Doctor Fraiser slowly made her way to General Hammond's office to make her report. She had bad news for him and she was reluctant to be the one to deliver it but it was her job. She was the one who had pronounced Lt Thorpe dead and so she was the one to tell his commanding officer. It was General Hammond's job to inform the Lieutenant's family that their son was dead. He would not be able to tell the parents how or why their son died. Fraiser knew that the General had the worst of it.

It was supposed to have been a standard meet and greet. SG-6 were following up on an earlier contact with a civilization that appeared to have originated from Celtic Britain. The smiling welcome of a few weeks before had turned decidedly unfriendly and by the time SG's 1 and 3 had arrived on the rescue mission, Major Hackett was dead, Lieutenant Thorpe critically injured and Airmen Klim and Perkins captured and tortured. It had been a tense and bloody struggle to free the surviving team members. SG-1 had been forced to watch helplessly as Klim had died at the hands of his tormentors. Thorpe had now died and Fraiser was not convinced that Perkins would last the night. Even it she did, her life would never be the same. Despite their mantra of 'no-one is left behind', all the team must be questioning their decision to bring her home alive, body shattered and disfigured.

General Hammond took the news of Thorpe's death with his usual stoic acceptance and after a moment asked quietly " And how are you doing, doctor?" Janet gave him a steady look and a calm, "I'll be fine sir." She hesitated slightly before adding "Teal'c has gone to his quarters to Kel No Reem, Daniel and I had a long talk and then he went home to see if he could sleep but I am worried about Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter sir. I haven't seen them for hours, but the SF's have told me that neither of them have left the base. Most people would need counselling for years to get over what they saw today."

Hammond sighed and looked at his hands. "They have their own ways of coping Doctor. I don't think we need to worry about them" He looked up at her. "I need to make some phone calls, please excuse me". Janet hesitated only slightly before she nodded and moved out of his office. Right now the needs of the dead and their families took precedence over the living.

Janet headed to Sam's lab. She was pretty sure that the Major would be there – probably deep into a project that would allow her to not think about the events of the day. Janet didn't fool herself into thinking that O'Neill would allow her to help him face any demons, but Sam was a friend and she had to at least try and help. As she rounded the last corner she was surprised, not by the light steaming out of the doorway, but by the low hum of voices. Siler was safely tucked away in the infirmary with a broken little finger, 7 stitches in his butt and concussion. Daniel and Teal'c were both accounted for. Her eyebrows raised as she heard an unmistakable "For crying out loud Carter!"

Peeking around the doorframe she saw the two of them sitting on the floor of the lab in the shadow of the desk. Empty cake plates and dessert bowls were scattered around them. A glance at her watch confirmed to Janet that it was indeed 4.30 in the morning. A yo yo was slowing spinning to a stop near the waste bin and Sam had a slightly guilty expression on her face. O'Neill was looking exasperated. "Have you ever played with a yo yo before?"

"I know the theory" Janet could have sworn that Sam was almost grinning, but she couldn't see how that was possible.

"You do realise it's not supposed to be used as a weapon?" The look that accompanied that should have been a glare judging by his tone but it wasn't. It was so open and gentle that Janet wasn't surprised to hear Sam's wistful reply.

"May be if we'd had some today we could have done some good".

Silence for a heartbeat. "We did what we could. We didn't do the bad – all we could do was try and stop it." O'Neill kept his gaze on Carter until she finally looked up and locked her eyes onto his. He nodded slightly. "Lets go through it again. Just to be sure"

Janet backed away silently, the answers to a hundred questions answered and a thousand more questions clamouring in their place. For the moment though, she was content. They would be OK.

_But wait, there's more.._


	7. Daniel watches

Chapter 7 – Daniel watches 

It was the 468th game of chess they had played since Daniel had left. What made it unusual was that it was the first they had started since they had dropped everything to fly to Antarctica.

He had learned many things since he had ascended but nothing had surprised him more than these late night silent conversations between his two best friends. He was not surprised that they were equally matched at chess – he knew enough about Jack O'Neill to know that the tactics and strategy of chess would seem like child's play to the real life game he played every day. He had always known of the attraction between them, never truly understanding how they could live within the boundaries they had set themselves. Daniel was most surprised at how many nights they would sit together, sometimes not talking for hours.

He knew them well enough to deduce that the silence was not usual. He had spent enough nights with them off world to know that their usual routine was to talk. He hadn't realised that the routine continued when they were on Earth as well. Daniel had been watching over Sam one night not long after his ascension, slightly in awe of the grief he had caused in her, powerless to help. Jack had casually entered the lab and settled in and started to talk about nothing in particular and Daniel was hurt for Sam that O'Neill seemed to be ignoring her distress. She tried to turn the conversation to their absent friend but every time O'Neill would shut her down. Daniel wasn't puzzled by the way that Jack refused to talk about what had happened – he never expected that – but he didn't understand why Sam continued to try. Eventually she gave up and pulled out the chessboard and silently laid out the pieces like a challenge.

She gazed at her opponent steadily and said neutrally, "New Rules" and he replied with "Okay".

That was all they said and every game proceeded in silence except for the ones they played over the phone, where they limited themselves to calling their moves. Some games were tense and dramatic, some reckless and daring, some whimsical. Daniel couldn't believe that they could put so much emotion into a simple chess game. There were nights they played a quick game then went their separate ways, others where they played again and again until the night was gone.

Then Jack had gone to the Tok'ra to be cured only to end up back in the SGC infirmary weeks later recovering from Ba'al's torture. Daniel had helped as much as he could and now he found himself hovering anxiously unseen hoping that his friends could somehow get over the conversational brick wall they had built. At first it hadn't been an insurmountable wall – they could still talk about other stuff, but now it seemed they couldn't talk about anything until they could talk about him. Until this night, a few weeks after Jack's release from the infirmary, they hadn't even met to play chess.

He had turned up at her house with a case of beer and a chess set. They set up the board in companionable silence and Daniel's attention sharpened as he realised that Jack wasn't concentrating on his game. Sam realised too and soon abandoned all pretence of playing and sat back on the couch looking at O'Neill, willing him to look at her. Daniel found himself fascinated by the small smile that tugged at the corner of her mouth and he suddenly understood Jack's obsession with his "grin catalogue"

Jack picked up a piece and his hand hovered aimlessly over the board. Eventually he tossed the piece in the air and caught it. He sat back into his chair and turned the bishop over in his fingers, studying it intensely as he said softly:

"I miss him. I don't want to talk about him because even though I know he's gone to a better place or plane or whatever, I would rather he was here, and I feel selfish just thinking that. Then I get angry with him for wanting to leave us and I feel bad because you're so sad about him going and all I can feel is anger. And then I feel like he's really here with us, we just can't see him – so we shouldn't really be missing him 'cos his not gone. Then I just get creeped out by the thought of him being here watching everything we do. So I don't know what to say to help you, because I can have all of those thoughts at once and I'm so confused about it myself I can't see how I can possibly help you." He finally looked up at her. "I wanted to help but all I could do was be here and I even screwed that up the last few weeks". He scrubbed his hand tiredly across his face. " Ah hell, Carter, I need us to go back to the way we were. I need something to be normal"

If Daniel had still had a physical body he knew he'd have a lump in his throat and tears in his eyes. As it was his metaphysical jaw dropped as he heard Sam say:

"So ask me to go fishing with you"

Jack's head snapped up, the hungry look on his face quickly replaced by a flash of humour. "Wanna go fishing?"

"Sounds great sir, but you know me – lots of fun stuff to do in the lab. I'm afraid I'll have to take a rain check on the fishing trip".

Daniel didn't even try to understand the smile they gave each other but he sensed the tension in the room evaporate and he knew that things were right again. He left them, creating the small breeze that ruffled Jack's hair and felt rather than saw the smile that flittered across his friend's face as Jack settled down to listen to Carter's story about being loose in a small town full of Goa'uld with Jonas and Teal'c.

_But wait, there's more.._


	8. Unexpected Understanding

Chapter 8 – Unexpected Understanding 

Pete stood quietly in the doorway and watched her as she stared intensely at the phone, absently wiping the tears from her cheeks. It was past two in the morning and he knew she'd been out here for at least an hour – apparently just watching the telephone. He moved over to the couch and sat beside her dropping a light kiss onto her hair as he drew her into his side.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you". Sam's voice was a husky whisper, confirming his belief that she had been out here crying all this time.

"It's OK." Pete rubbed her back for a while. "You should call him"

"What? Who?" Sam looked over at him startled. "Why?"

Pete ran his hand through his hair and she could tell he was thinking carefully about his next words. They weren't exactly what she expected.

"Look Sam, I know that your friend is dead, I'm guessing it happened on a op, and I'm guessing things went pretty pear shaped because Doctors aren't usually front line casualties. I also know that it's not me you need to talk to about it. I'm a cop, I've seen some pretty bad stuff over the years and it's usually my partner, or someone else on the squad that I needed to talk things over with. People on the outside just don't understand and I think that it must be the same for you guys too." He took a deep breath. "Maybe one day I'll be the one you turn to but right now you need to talk to whoever it is you normally download on"

"And what if that person was Janet?"

He winced at her tone but continued on anyway. "I'm sure you were able to talk to her about a lot of stuff but I've seen you with your team – you guys are family. Go on, call Daniel"

She withdrew from him imperceptibly. "I don't talk to Daniel. I talk to the Colonel". She turned in time to see the frustration flash across his face, quickly replaced by sympathy. "Then call him."

"I can't. He's in the infirmary. He's probably asleep".

"Do you normally talk to him at night? At this time?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to that one but she needed more than he could give her tonight, this was the only way he could help her through it.

"Yeah, usually when we're off world, we talk on watch, or when I'm at the base working. I've never phoned the infirmary though – I've usually still been on base, or been a patient myself. I don't know that they'd put me through, he was pretty badly hurt and they'll want him to sleep"

"Give it a try, the worst that can happen is that they'll refuse. If they won't put the call through I'll drive you to the base. I guess this works both ways. He'll want to talk to you too." He handed her the phone. "Call him".

Sam took the handset from him and punched in the numbers. Soon she was talking to Lt Rush and after explaining what she wanted she listened for a while then quietly chuckled. "Thanks Lieutenant, I'll hold". She looked over at Pete. "Apparently the Colonels been harassing her for the last hour to find him a phone, I think he's awake and wanting to talk." She leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Thanks for understanding and thanks for making me call"

"No problem" He squeezed her hand and stood up. "I'm going back to bed" As he walked away he heard O'Neill's voice clearly through the phone. "Carter! What are you doing awake!" He could hear the affection in her tone as she replied with "Probably the same thing as you sir…" Sam's voice dropped to a murmur and she curled up in a tight ball on the couch as Pete left the room. He'd worry about the meaning of all this another day. Right now he just wanted Sam to be OK.

_But wait, there's more.._


	9. Waiting

Chapter 9 - Waiting 

He stood at the window of the briefing room looking at the Gate. It was 0400 and although he knew that it was mid morning on P4X 678 in his minds eye it was night and she was sitting by a fire talking to him. Not that they talked much any more, not since that night in her lab when he felt his world crashing around him and all he could do was push her away. Most nights he was so Goddammed tired that he didn't have to put himself through this. Then there were the nights like tonight where he was awake waiting for a team to return and he'd feel her absence like a physical ache. He hated that he had to send them out there without him, hated the waiting for them to come back, the bile that rose in his throat as the gate techs called out that it was SG-1's iris code. He would hold his breath and hold back the fear until he saw all three of them exit the Gate then count their limbs and look for injuries. Sometimes the fear was so great he'd snap at them as they reported in and he'd see the disappointment on Carter's face and puzzlement on Daniels. Teal'c would only stare and do the eyebrow thing.

He missed their conversations. They almost never went off world together any more, so there were no night watches to share. Since Pete had been on the scene he never phoned her when she was off base unless it was an emergency – and even then he would almost always have Daniel, Teal'c or Walter call. Their new ranks had meant more work for both of them and less time to spend just talking – late nights at the base usually were spent ploughing through the stack of paper on both their desks, not the companionable chatter they had got used to. He knew that he had changed; got quieter and harder again more like the man who had taken the first Abydos mission, although not suicidal as he had been then.

He stifled a yawn and a few moments later Walter appeared beside him with a cup of coffee. Taking it with a smile of thanks he allowed his mind to drift as he contemplated the Sergeant. O'Neill had a sneaking suspicion that Walter's name wasn't really Walter. The man was morphing into the character Walter "Radar" O'Reilly from the TV show MASH with his little glasses and spooky ESP thing. He realised that "Walter" was starting to twitch nervously under the speculative stare of an extremely unpredicable one star general and so directed his gaze back to the Stargate.

O'Neill's mind wandered again to the ancient ship and the time device inside it. For the hundredth time he tried to work out where he would need to go back to, to fix it all. He replayed over and over again the grin he'd got when he made the ship work. He didn't see her smile much anymore and that grin was going to have to sustain him for a long time. He didn't think there would be much to smile at in the days to come. His soldier's instinct was telling him that something bad, really bad was coming. It was going to take every ounce of their strength and courage and he didn't see how they could all come through it unscathed. All he could do was prepare them as best he could and make sure they had all the support the SGC could provide. All he wanted was to have her at his side and yet he knew that if they were going to win this fight he would have to send her out there, into harms way.

So he waited, sad and wistful.

_But wait, there's more.._


	10. Better things to do than talk

Chapter 10 – Better things to do than talk 

Carter raised herself cautiously on her elbow and tried to orientate herself in the dim light filtering into the room they were in. She felt dazed and unable to concentrate on the problem at hand. They had got themselves into a real pickle this time and she couldn't seem to think of a way out of it. She could see O'Neill lying near her and gave an exasperated snort as she realised he was asleep. He was curled on his side facing her and his lips were curved in a ridiculous smile. She couldn't believe he could be asleep at a time like this.

Memories of a few hours ago came flooding back. They had let their guard down badly to get caught in this situation. There were extenuating circumstances, not that a court martial panel would see it like that, but then would they be able to tell a court martial that only this morning their best friend had been returned naked to the base by the ancients after rejecting life as an ascended being? That they were beginning to think that he was lost to them, again, and that his return was miraculous. That they had finally defeated two enemies, one who would have enslaved the people of earth; the other would have destroyed them. That even as they celebrated their victory, her Dad and Selmak had died leaving her bereft of all joy in their achievement. More complicated and less extenuating, that she had broken off her engagement because she realised that the man she really loved was worth waiting for and fighting for.

That morning they had found Daniel some clothes and listened to his story, finally making sense of their own experiences. He had spent most of the rest of the day in the infirmary as the doctors ran test after test, confirming that he was indeed Daniel Jackson and that he was free of any contagions, parasites, implants and otherwise healthy. He was finally cleared to leave the base early in the evening. Jack, Sam and Teal'c had never been far from his side or each other during the day, the old team dynamic kicking into place, the infirmary being the natural place for that to happen.

At some time in the afternoon, Daniel had asked a question about the wedding and Sam told them that she had broken up with Pete. O'Neill didn't say anything, his face a mask. Daniel started to make the usual socially acceptable noises and Teal'c, being Teal'c just said what they were all thinking anyway. "I am glad to hear that ColonelCarter. I did not think that PeteShanahan was a wise choice for your husband. It is better that this marriage will not take place." Sam didn't miss the nod of approval from O'Neill as Teal'c spoke.

O'Neill announced it was team night at his place and they all agreed. He and Daniel and Teal'c had gone straight there but Sam had decided to go home and change into something more celebratory instead. She was rewarded with compliments from Daniel and Teal'c and a succinct "Wow" from O'Neill when she arrived. It's possible the dress could also prejudice her defence. The night followed the same pattern as all the others that they had spent with each other. Beer and takeout and lots of rambling conversations.

Finally Teal'c announced that he was taking Daniel home then returning to the base. The two said their goodbyes and left. Sam stood up.

"I should go." She grabbed her bag and headed for the door.

"No." Carter turned in surprise

"Stay, don't go."

She stared at him, open-mouthed. Her heart started to beat a little faster and she felt a sudden unexpected spurt of anger.

"What are we talking here? Stay and help clean up? Stay the night? Or stay with me always?" She wondered briefly whether she had been taken as a host. She could hear the words coming from her mouth but she couldn't believe she was saying them out loud. She saw O'Neill was looking at her with his confused, baffled, 'I don't know what the hell I'm saying here' look. Finally he blurted out:

"All three?"

Sam felt the little spike of anger again as she dropped her bag back to the floor. All those months she was with Pete and he had never said a word, even though she'd more than once given him the opening. Of course, she knew that while she was with Pete he would never have said anything but still… Thinking of Pete reminded her of something else.

"What about Kerry?"

He had the grace to look uncomfortable. "She dumped me"

"She what? Is she an idiot? Why?"

"Kerry wanted out because she knows I love you and she didn't want to be in the middle of that. I think that makes her way smarter than either of us." He suddenly seemed very sure of himself, displaying the same calm resolve he had before they went into action. He crossed the room and placed his hand on her cheek caressing it gently with his thumb. "Stay?" She nodded her head slightly and he kissed her, gently at first and then with increasing intensity as she returned the kiss.

That's how they'd ended up here, naked and in his bed. She couldn't believe that years of self-restraint had evaporated so quickly. There'd been times when they'd been facing certain death and they hadn't been able to say how they felt and now one kiss and they'd given in completely. Cliches were swirling through her mind and she couldn't seem to focus her thoughts but she kept coming back to one thing. "This is right".

It was 3am and she really needed to talk to him. Sam poked him in the shoulder, repeatedly until he woke up. Sort of woke up. He reached out and pulled her in close to him and made a contented purring sound, something she never expected to hear from him. As his hands and lips started to move again she was tempted to give in and go with the flow. Very tempted. With a sigh she stilled his wandering hands and drew back from his lips. As he opened his eyes and looked at her in reproach she said, "We need to talk".

He gave an exaggerated sigh and pouted. "Why? We waited until the Goa'uld weren't a threat, we destroyed the replicators. We both tried to get a life without each other, it didn't work. We found each other again, we are together. What's there to talk about?" His heart leapt as he saw a grin he hadn't seen for a long time, one of his favourites, the 'I love how you make me laugh'.

"What about, how do we avoid a court martial? I want to be with you and I don't want to sneak and hide and lie. Last time I checked you were still my CO."

Jack gave her a self-satisfied smirk. "Just for once, I'm way ahead of you. Yes, technically right now I am still you CO. However, things can change in the next few days, if you want. The guys at Area 51 have requested that you be seconded there for a few months now that there is no immediate threat and you don't need to go off world so much. I thought you could spend more time with Cassie that way too." She started to protest but he silenced her with a finger to her lips. "Hear me out. Things are going to change anyway. I found out today I'm going to be transferred to Washington, very soon. I figured if you're not going on missions all the time it should be easier for us to meet up. It's not perfect, I know, but I figure it's better than we could have hoped for."

Sam stared at him in amazement. He had all this thought out. Jack O'Neill the great deny-er had spent the last few days working out what he needed to do so that they could be together. Or apart, she realised. This plan would have worked if she had stayed with Pete too. She let go of that thought. They were together and she could live with a few days of keeping that quiet if it meant they could both keep their careers.

Jack watched her processing what he had just told her, rightly assuming that she was surprised that he had thought this through. He was insanely calm considering that her answer held the key to his happiness. If she felt even half as… centred, as he felt now he knew she'd do what ever they had to, to be together. He knew the moment she decided and felt a surge of elation when he saw the gleam in her eyes. He closed the gap between them to kiss her again and was surprised when she pulled back saying "Hold on there mister!"

He stilled and questioned her with his eyes, puzzled but not alarmed.

"There's still one thing you need to ask"

His mind raced though all the possibilities; there had been quite a few breathless declarations of undying love earlier in the evening so that couldn't be it, he didn't think she was demanding marriage and it was so not the right time to be talking about kids… He saw the small smile playing around her mouth and it clicked.

"You know Carter, I know this lake in Minnesota that has absolutely no fish in it…"

_That's the whole deal folks, including the steak knives._

_Thanks for reading and to those who reviewed thanks for making it worth logging on in the mornings._


End file.
